Bikers Ride Whole Hog for NRA
WASHINGTON DC–Motorcycle clubs across America have accepted the challenge to
protect this country’s schools.
NRA executive vice president Wayne LaPierre recently stated an armed police officer be placed in every school.
America’s bikers have stepped up in “whole hog” support.
“Hell, I’ll ride up bright and early before first bell, proudly wearing school colors against my own,” stated a biker who identified himself as a Hells Angel, although proof of membership could not be provided at time of interview.
When asked by this reporter if he or his gang brethren could pass a school volunteer background check permitting him campus access and association with students, the biker just laughed. “Darlin’, I don’t tutor. I ride perimeter."
Mr. LaPierre—who displays an annoying habit of closing his eyes in reverent fashion when discussing firearms–recently attributed everything but access to assault weapons as responsible for creating a culture of violence in the United States. He advocated active and retired police officers, military veterans and private security guards be consulted and instrumental in the development of school protection plans.
LaPierre did not respond to questions regarding the chances a lone school resource officer stood against a lowered assault rifle by a gunman intent on inflicting mass harm.
Assault rifles were banned in the United States until 2004 when magically, the federal ban expired under the George W. Bush administration.
NRA executive vice president Wayne LaPierre recently stated an armed police officer be placed in every school.
America’s bikers have stepped up in “whole hog” support.
“Hell, I’ll ride up bright and early before first bell, proudly wearing school colors against my own,” stated a biker who identified himself as a Hells Angel, although proof of membership could not be provided at time of interview.
When asked by this reporter if he or his gang brethren could pass a school volunteer background check permitting him campus access and association with students, the biker just laughed. “Darlin’, I don’t tutor. I ride perimeter."
Mr. LaPierre—who displays an annoying habit of closing his eyes in reverent fashion when discussing firearms–recently attributed everything but access to assault weapons as responsible for creating a culture of violence in the United States. He advocated active and retired police officers, military veterans and private security guards be consulted and instrumental in the development of school protection plans.
LaPierre did not respond to questions regarding the chances a lone school resource officer stood against a lowered assault rifle by a gunman intent on inflicting mass harm.
Assault rifles were banned in the United States until 2004 when magically, the federal ban expired under the George W. Bush administration.
Labels: assault rifles, assault weapons, federal ban, gun violence, mass shootings, motorcycle gangs, NRA, Sandy Hook, satire, school shootings, Wayne LaPierre
1 Comments:
Hi,
Great article, it's very well written. I wrote a comment on the other, satire site where it's also posted (glossy news). I so hoped I could find an email form or some way I could make this comment privately, because I think that might be more polite.
I just want to say, and I think most people would infer this from my other comments, that I am not some gun-loving Tea-Partiest, writing to flame you with a bunch of constitutional integrity and original intent bullshit. Nor am I a "one-upper", who has some narcissistic need to correct people. I'm not, and I really don't feel comfortable doing it publicly, but you seem like a writer with intellectual integrity and a desire for all the information.
Don't you just hate the "one-upper"? God, they're worse than the overt name-droppers. Nevertheless, I just wanted to say that assault weapons were never banned in the U.S. until 1994, and then it was part of the Violent Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act, under President Clinton, for a period of ten years. It just so happened to expire under our favorite Skull and Bones alum but it could have been Gore or anyone else had they become President. I understand that Bush presented no obstacles to it, though, which I think was your point.
What is the deal with all these laws that expire after ten years? Why didn't they put that damn 10-year expiration in the marijuana law? Anyway, I just want to reiterate that I am not some know-it-all who gets off on correcting you, or trying to seem superior. I just stumbled upon your blog and liked your article and your writing style, so I thought I'd comment.
I actually came upon your blog from an article on the Great, Golden Bear, Florida Land Heist from a couple of years ago. I really enjoyed that and wanted to comment on it but it didn't really seem topical anymore, so I thought I'd compliment you here. Well done.
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